The Box
“The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
Surely I have a delightful inheritance.”
As Phil and I were studying and writing and preparing to teach our first Intentional conference, we asked God to give us a simple, memorable means of capturing the essence of the way the Father disciplines us, His children.
And thus The Box was born.
A way of tying together all that is involved in bringing our children into a place of thriving, even as we apply much needed correction.
In this post I’d like to give you a brief overview of The Box to get you thinking creatively, and then in the following weeks and months we’ll be adding tips and ideas for each side of The Box. I’m also hoping that many of you will add your own ideas in the comments and perhaps feature guest posts from our readers as you live out the principles involved in The Box in your home.
The Box is the frame we build around our children’s lives in order to offer a place of joyful security in which they can thrive and grow into who God wants them to be.
The Box starts out small, tight. Mom and Dad control and provide everything for their newborn baby. Then, slowly, The Box begins to expand as your child matures.
Sometimes The Box has to be tightened back up when the child goes through those inevitable times when he or she insists on testing you or is losing control. Most children struggle at times, fumbling to adjust to their rapidly changing and expanding world. The Box offers parents a God-honoring way of smoothing the way for their child.
The Box grows and expands until one day the goal is reached: no more Box.
The bottom of the box: Jesus
The bottom of The Box must be strong and solid, a foundation to build all the rest of life upon. That foundation is Jesus!
Not church, not the Christian way of living, not Awanas or Christian school or any sort of program— just Jesus.
From the moment they are born we talk about Him, we rock our babies to sleep with songs about Him, we pray— out loud and often— in His name.
As the child grows in understanding we begin to tell stories of His strength and fill in their imaginations with vivid stories of His power.
Later we delve deeper into His Word with the idea of unveiling Him to our children: who He is, how He thinks, what He loves. Not academics so much as Him, Jesus.
We want them to want Him and so we paint a compelling picture of who He is.
One side of the box: Discipline
This is the side of The Box that most often compels parents to “tighten The Box” for a period of time.
Wise parents recognize the warning signs, they stay on the alert for signals from their child that discipline just needs to be a little more consistent. When more training and correction are required to propel their child into a better, happier place.
When both parents notice that misbehavior or self-centered attitudes has stolen your child’s joy, you rummage around in the tool box of biblical, wise disciplinary actions and prayerfully choose which one is appropriate for this particular child with these particular challenges.
Another side of the box: order
This discipline of Order will follow your child from infancy through adulthood. It is simply the concept taught throughout Scriptures that there is an appropriate time for everything.
Is it any wonder that the books that stay at the top of the New York Times bestseller lists are most often books about time management, work flow, productivity, and simplicity?
If we fail to put up this side of The Box our children will live in a constant state of chaos and disorder. They’ll be stressed out and ill-equipped to function well.
Some kids need this more than others, but all of us need to learn to live our lives with some semblance of order.
Other topics that may fall under this idea of the discipline of Order are: nutrition, avoiding low blood sugar, playing outdoors, exercise, limiting screen time, sleep habits, and choosing play mates who influence for good.
The top of the box: Affection, affirmation, fun
No one word seems capable of encompassing all that we mean, yet these 3 sum up the ideal environment in which our children can thrive and blossom before our eyes.
Our kids need to know, right down deep in their bones, that we love them, and think the world of them, and are so glad they’re ours— whether your child is 3 or 13 or 33!
That’s The Box… but here’s the key that we have found to be true:
When you need to tighten The Box around your child— he’s acting up, getting in trouble, picking on her little brother— you don’t just stomp your child with discipline in irritated frustration.
You tighten every side of The Box simultaneously.
Jesus: you bring Him into the situation, not as a weapon on your side, but as a Rescuer, a Redeemer.
Discipline: don’t give up! Keep at it. Consistency and persistency are the keys to effective discipline. Brick upon brick, you are building strength of character into your son or daughter.
Order: you re-order your child’s world so he can succeed at what you’re asking of him. You become the expert on reading his or her signals, creating an environment in which your child can be fully himself.
Affection, Affirmation, Fun: you bring your child in close with loads of affection, both physical and verbal, you instigate the fun your family responds to best, and you shower her with sincere affirmation.
When you do all four at once:
Jesus, Discipline, Order, and Affection, Affirmation, Fun
Instead of an angry, sullen response to your coming down too hard on him, he slips right back into that happy place again. Badly behaving children are some of the most miserable people on earth!
Tighten The Box and you’ll see your son or daughter light up, reminding you once again why the Psalmist declared emphatically that children are a gift from God.
With much love and respect for all of you who are raising the next generation of Jesus followers,
Diane
P.S. Feel free to ask questions about ways of applying The Box. And, please, tell us what is working well for your particular child. Your wisdom and creativity is meant to be shared!