THE BOX: Fun!
THE BOX: Affection, Affirmation, Fun
“If we are living now by the Holy Spirit,
let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.
Let us not become conceited, or irritate one another,
or be jealous of one another.”
My first child was born in 1980. The era of big hair, glitzy jewelry, slinky fashion— excess.
I’d been a follower of Jesus for about 6 years by that time John Marks was born. By then I had it down: I knew what was expected of me and I knew what I wasn’t supposed to do.
I knew the rules, I followed the rules, I even started making rules.
No dancing (too sensual), no drinking (too dangerous), no rock music (it might entice me to break the rules).
I would not conform to the ways of the world lest I become like them and fall away from God.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Just as the disco of the 80’s, much of today’s dancing is sensual and anti-modest.
But I banned it all.
For my sister’s 16th birthday party a big square dance was planned at the cabana club near our house. All sorts of childhood friends, family, and church families were invited. But it was against my rules! So I made an uneasy appearance and left just as the fun got started.
Sheesh!
And there’s a whole long story there, about how God rescued me from my rigid, striving, gotta-get-it-perfect approach to following Jesus. But the truth is, even after a dramatic encounter with the riches of God’s grace towards me, it took a while to trickle down to the reality of my every-days.
That grace is still dripping slowly into my soul.
Unfortunately, that idealist legalism influenced the way I viewed many of the more-or-less-innocent fads that popped up when my kids were young.
A full list would take up too much room in this post so I’ll just name a few: Halloween was banned for a few years, Pokémon cards were a no-no, my kids weren’t allowed to read any of the Harry Potter books. Certain dolls were banished, Ninja Turtles were not allowed, and Saturday morning cartoons? Not a chance!
In my fervor to protect my children from “the world” and anything smacking of the demonic, I forgot the sweet innocence of the culture of childhood.
I forgot that children tackle giants and fear and helplessness by play: good vs. evil, super powers (and talking turtles) fighting for justice, a be-speckled little boy triumphing over bullies by mixing potions.
If I had it to do over again…
- I would not ban anything that isn’t illegal or immoral. Instead, I’d come alongside my kids, connecting the current cultural trend with Biblical truth.
- I would not focus on evil in innocent childhood stories. Instead, I’d point out the Meta-Story of God vs. Satan and the ultimate triumph of good over evil that is only possible because of Jesus’ triumph over the Cross.
- I wouldn’t dismiss the social aspect of childhood trends. Instead I would respect the fact that we are social creatures and so are our kids. I would point out excess without labeling things as bad just because they’re not ideal.
- I wouldn’t insinuate to my kids that everything with horns and magic and wizards is necessarily evil.
Instead I would read the Harry Potter books with them cuddled next to me. Then I’d bring Jesus into the stories as our ultimate protector, our defender against bullies, our power to conquer even our own darkness with His light.
Now, here’s what I’m not saying:
- I’m not saying that every current best-seller or trend is innocent.
- I’m not saying that parents should let their kids read whatever appeals to them.
- I’m not saying that all dancing is fine and good.
- I’m not saying that drinking isn’t dangerous.
- I’m not saying parents should let their kids listen to whatever music is most popular.
- I’M NOT SAYING DO AWAY WITH RULES!
I’m just saying, lighten up. Have some fun.
Don’t assume that everything with elements of bad must be banished in order to protect our children from the pull of evil desires.
Instead, stay so involved in your children’s lives that the elements of bad become springboards for lively back-and-forth discussion about what is best.
That approach will require more time than an across-the-board- ban. It will beg for wisdom you’ll only find in the Scriptures and only then if you’re filled with the Spirit.
But think of the benefits!
Think of the discussions, the communication, the trust you’ll garner as you walk in your children’s world right beside them.
Think of the atmosphere of fun you’ll be creating!
Think of the top of the Box that keeps doubt and bitterness and sullen attitudes from leaking into the frame you’re building around your child’s life.
Remember the purpose of the Box?
The Box is the frame we build around our children’s lives in order to offer a place of joyful security in which they can thrive and grow into who God wants them to be.
And now I’m going to check my mailbox. “Cuz any day now some packages will be arriving- those funny little spinners “all the kids” are playing with at school.
Just a simple gesture on the part of this fun-respecting grandmother towards those fun-needing grandkids: a way of saying,
I see you. I enjoy you. You’re cool and cute and I want to be part of your world.
My heart yearns for my Grands to grasp the involvedness of God in their every day lives.
I want the next generation to know that godliness comes, not in adherence to rigid rules, but in inviting Jesus to be with them in every moment of every day for the rest of their lives.
And I think that’s what you want too.
So if you’re a rule follower like me, maybe it’s time to bring all those safety-inspired rules to the Ruler of Hearts and ask Him for advice.
Then listen. You might be surprised at what you hear.
From a heart still learning,
Diane